Today, September 16th, would have been my Mom's birthday. She would have been 74. It's funny how grief affects your life. When I woke up today I immediately thought about Mom, but pushed it down and literally told myself NOT to think about it. Because I knew it would make me cry. So many times during the day I saw the date pop up, on the display on my phone at work, on a document I was working on. I HAD to see or write September 16th. And this date has always had only one meaning to me. Mom's birthday. Today it is just a reminder of the fact she is gone.
I spoke to my sister a few times today, about things that had nothing to do with Mom. She actually called me this morning on my way to work, and we discussed the issue she was calling about. I thought about mentioning Mom's birthday, but did not...because I knew she was already thinking about it as I was and it would only make one of us (ME), or likely both of us cry. Later in the day we spoke again, and again about a different matter. I did bring it up, but we quickly changed the subject. Just still too painful. And neither of us really wanted or needed to cry. At that moment.
I am taking an online class about restoring old photographs. Damaged photographs. Doing something with that box/envelope/pile of old pics many of us have inherited (if we are lucky) that are quickly deteriorating. The instructor tells you to find a damaged photograph to work on. The only one I had on my hard drive right now was this one. I know I have posted it before, and for whatever reason it has just become one of my favorite pics of my Mom. It is badly damaged. Discoloration, wrinkles, fading. But I LOVE this picture of my Mom and my sister. She looks so full of life. A young Mother. She has a necklace on that is similar to something I would wear today. Not expensive, but just "stylish". Ah, I love this picture. I can't wait to work on "fixing" it during this class to see what I could come up with.
Happy Birthday Mom. I love you so much, and miss you more than I can say. You are in my thoughts and dreams on a daily basis, and I try to focus on all of the amazing things you have taught me while you were here rather than the ache I feel because you are gone. Most of the time I fail at that, but every year that passes is a little easier. A very little bit easier. I miss you and love you so very much. Thank you for your legacy and everything you have taught me that has made me the person I am today. I just wished I had realized all of that when you were still here and I could have told you. I think you know.
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