Friday, January 25, 2008

Mom-she's gone


Well, everything has been a blur, a numb blur the last few days. As most of you know, Mom passed away (somehow that term just pisses me off) on January 21st, around 11:10 AM. Her death certificate says Jan 22nd...around 12:25. That is when they got around to "pronouncing her dead". Okay, I'm just generally mad. Or sad. About the whole thing. And to me she didn't "pass away"...she died. She's dead.
To be honest, I'm mad at her. She was a closet smoker for 30 years, and that was most likely the cause of her stroke. Why did she not care about her body better than she did? Why did she not want to be here for her children, and grandchildren. Was it depression? Should we have done more? Maybe I'm mad at myself. Probably, that's it. I want her back. Whole.
So being mad at her does nothing. It's a waste of time. So what can I learn from this? Take better care of my body? Defintely! I'm not doing all I can (as Rob constantly reminds me) to work out and exercise my body.
"Note to self...go to gym tomorrow!"
Should I eat better, drink less? YES! All of the above! Unfortunately, right now I feel like getting hammered and having a huge bananna split. Just kidding. A fudge brownie would do just fine.
Well, I'm crabby, tired and at the end of my rope, for reasons only my husband can fully comprehend. Ah, that's life. I guess. Damn this day to hell. No, that's too strong.
Ah fooey.
Off to bed now.


Monday, January 21, 2008

Mom

Well, as many of you know, Mom suffered a massive stroke last Tuesday (January 15th) and is currently at Hoag Hospital. Her body is very broken, and as I look at these pictures my heart is breaking because I miss her so much.

My Mom is and has always been a teacher, in every sense of the word. I can almost hear her voice telling me to rely on my faith, and that she is at the end of this worldly journey but beginning the next journey, the one that will bring her to be with her Heavenly Father. I know she has no fear of death, but instead has been strengthened by her relationship with God and the knowledge she would be beside him in Heaven one day. And as much as I try to remind myself that she would want and expect me to be strong right now, I don't feel strong at all. I want to crawl into her arms and have her comfort me, the way she has my whole life. I miss her so much.

I think my Dad feels lost right now too, or if not lost just very sad. I look at this picture and see her holding up my Dad, when he was struggling with walking, and realize in so many ways she has done that with every member of our family...held us up in so many ways. I am so grateful to have been blessed with a Mother that had such strength, strength in her faith, strength in her love.

I love this picture of Mom, it is what I think of when I think of her with her mind whole, and her body healthy. Her shirt says "M.O.M" Manager of Other people's Messes. And she was just that, there to get us through difficult times, whatever those "messes" might be in life, she always had a listening ear and a comforting hug and wise words to get you through them.

This picture too, I have always loved. Dad took this picture a few years back, and here she is teaching my eldest daughter, Zoey to bake cookies. Mom LOVED this kind of "Grandma time" and I believe being a Grandma was the source of some of her greatest joy. She always had time to be with her granddaughters, and loved to do so. Her gentle, loving way drew children to her. She was with me when both of my daughters were born, and I quickly realized how much I had learned from her example about being a Mother, and all of the joys and responsibilities that entails. I hope to live up to her example, and I strive to do that every day.

I am struggling with this process of letting go, and do not feel peace with it at all. I feel extremely sad, and also angry, angry because I feel like 39 years was not nearly enough time to be with my Mom. It's hard to think about living the rest of my life with that hole I am feeling right now in my heart. I love you very much, Mom.
Posted by Picasa

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Nothing else matters

Well, I have been trying to post every day and document "our lives" and what is happening with the Warrens. Until today. And something happened that makes me realize what is important in life. What matters.

Ross and Lo got the news that they were not expecting today. That no one was expecting today. And the news that has energized us all to look at life a little differently.

And we shall.

From today forward we will appreciate everything a little differently.

We love you, Ross and Lo. We will be here for you, whatever the Journey may hold. Completely.

Love,
Us (The Group)

365-day 7...back to school

Okay, well I admit that I'm a weenie. I hate "back to school" days, and I wish my girls could somehow be wise and educated while staying at home with me. But, as that is not reality...we are back to school today after 3 weeks of 24-7 being together every minute of the day.
And I admit I cry...every time I have to drop my girls off to school and leave them behind. I drive home with tears in my eyes but knowing that they are safe and healthy. I don't know...I'm crazy?? OK...I'll accept that.
Posted by Picasa

365-Saturday

Well, it's another day in paradise. Started off the day with a world class headache, and being told that the girls wanted to go to church with their aunt and uncle (awesome...but when you are totally unprepared...)
Avery was in a "mood" and I had no cold weather clothes for the girls (plus an A+ headache), but Avery was insistant about going to church with Sebasian...so) they went.

And honestly I wish I would have gone with them. Heaven knows I need...NO I MEAN NEED some words of encouragement, and a renewed perspective on life. But it was not to be. Spent the day looking for the lost remote. You know what I mean...
Posted by Picasa

Monday, January 07, 2008

365-January 5, 2007

Well, here we are, another day in paradise. Clive, Johanna and the kids arrived today for a brief stay with us before they begin the last leg of their journey...back to Australia. We will miss them SO MUCH! It's weird how close you can feel to family after being together practically 2+ weeks non-stop. I am so grateful for this time we had together, and the chance for our children to get to really know and love each other. I'm sure the relationships formed will last a lifetime.
Especially Sebastion and Avery...the two of them were "tight"! They just get along so well, it's really fun for me to watch. Oh yes, there was a whole lotta Wii going on around here, and the loss of one remote! WHERE CAN IT BE? Maybe we'll never know...hehehe

Okay, and the cutest beast ever. Poor Cisco, had to spend a lot of time in our room while the house was full of guests, especially small ones. He LOVES being around the kids, I'm just a little worried that his 90+ pounds up against Paige's little body might not be good.

One last thing. This was Zoey's first book report poster in 3rd grade...she got an A+ on this! We just were clearing out stuff (to make room for more stuff...) and needed to get rid of this (it's rather large) so I promised to take a picture so we could have it forever! If space was no issue I would keep every scrap, and Rob would go insane...
Posted by Picasa

Friday, January 04, 2008

365-January 4, 2008

 

Wow...I got caught up...I'm actually blogging about the day it is on the day it is (you know what I mean). Yeah...it's Friday (seems like a really long week this week, just getting back into the routine). Zoey took these pictures today of Sammy at my office. The girls are madly in love with her, and so Zoey took several portraits today.
 

Very regal looking lady, don't you think?

Ah, Maria was here today and I came home to a wonderfully clean house (bless you Maria!). Rob went out with the boys around 2PM (it's Dan's birthday) and he's not home yet...so I'm not sure when we'll see him.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAN!!

Ross had his surgery today and we don't know much yet. Hopefully the worst part of the hurdle is over (the surgery itself) and he can start his recovery and move on. Ugh...no fun at all for him, but we know he will pull through it okay. You're in our prayers, Ross.
Posted by Picasa

365-January 3, 2008

 


Another day in paradise...back at work with the girls. And what's this??? Yes indeed, the master of the ledger book and the excel spreadsheet...it's Zoey!!

(Get them started young...right??)

Here she is sitting at the other desk in my office (the one with the computer). Did spend a lot of time today getting ready for back to school, and catching up on the homework she needed to finish.
Posted by Picasa

365-January 2, 2008

 


Okay, just trying to catch up here...and not really anything interesting to show. This is my office, or part of it. As you can see, I have the girls with me and there is "STUFF" everywhere...to keep them busy.

I'll take better "office" shots later, and show off the favorite part of my office, the double doors that open up to a wooden deck that overlooks the OC.

Beautiful on a sunny day...

Nothing too exciting today, just work and then dinner at King's with the Quasts as Ross goes in for his surgery on Friday. You're in our prayers...
Posted by Picasa

365 Challenge-January 1, 2008

 


So here is my pic for the first day of the year...with what else but my FAVORITE and most awesome Christmas gift I have ever gotten (thanks to my wonderful husband)...my Canon Rebel XTi!!!

Kind of a self-portrait, and yes this was actually sometime after midnight...early morning hours of Jan 1...but that still counts.

Alcohol involved perhaps??

Needless to say the rest of the day was kind of a wash...let's call it a "resting" day. Did some laundry, just hung around the house with the girls (and our new Wii).

Ahhh...here's to a wonderful new year!
Posted by Picasa

New Year's Eve-2008

Okay, so it's a new year and time for me to haul out the old resolutions and make a go at them (it takes 2 weeks to make something a "habit"...right???

Anyway, one resolution has to be getting back on the blogging trail, and along with that this year I am going to try and do a 365 challenge, (which is taking a picture EVERY day for 365 days), so I'll just do my best at doing them together.

We'll see how we do on New Year's Eve 2009...

 

We had a wonderful New Year's Eve at the Quasts, with Deb and the Kendricks. Dan was too sick to attend :-( and Hoover was nowhere to be found...

 

Needless to say the kids LOVED the hats and noisemakers (even though Avery got a little scared when we were all shouting at midnight.

 

So this year I'm not going to get bogged down with HAVING to blog every "important" event, but instead just doing what I can to document our lives and not worry about the rest.

 

Easier said than done...

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!!!
Posted by Picasa